Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nutella sex= disaster
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Alive.
So much puke
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
