I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
