hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
