We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
God, you're like boner-b-gone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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