Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are we still banned from the library?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
