so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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