you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
