Screwed.edu
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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