So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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