2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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