I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What a dumb baby whore.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
