we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
