My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
