Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
