i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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