I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
