Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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