drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
