So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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