evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
