you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
