my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
