I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
