The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
