i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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