community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
