So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FUCK WHALES
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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