that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
