Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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