Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
