Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
