Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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