Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
