Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
