before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dick very happy bro
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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