no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
