I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
