Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
