you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
