Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
