did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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