This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
