I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
zippers are such a cool invention
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
