my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
