you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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