apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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