He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The air was thick with penises
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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