I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
