dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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