nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
