I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
