just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize