haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
