sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
