Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
