Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
