JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
