he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so fucking centered right now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
