benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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