it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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