WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drake has all the answers
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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