He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
