So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
