It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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