My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
