last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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