it was like a zeppelin in a condom
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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