its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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