i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize