I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
