R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
