I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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