oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
false alarm, still single
Randomize