If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
