maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
