Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
