I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
