She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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