final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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