the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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