all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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