Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Randomize
