Plan B is the new Plan A
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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