Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
