Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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