Me. At least after what I've been through.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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