you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
