you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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