There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
