I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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