and you said cock pushups were impossible
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
