Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
