I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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