I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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