It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
