Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
