i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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