Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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