No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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