R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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