It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
