Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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