She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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