Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
