I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
