That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
