I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize