JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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