Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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