How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
