This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
