i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
