they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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