I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
