they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
