God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
